Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Open Letter to 2009


Everybody greets the new year in their own special way. Most by offering a prayer for what they hope the future will bring, accompanied with a few words of thanks for what the fading year provided. Others by making resolutions of what they will change about themselves as the course of history ticks over once more.

While I'm not big on prayer (Unless I've gotten myself into the kind of bind only divine intervention can release you from - which is pretty often), and I realized long ago that my New Year resolve lasts until I sober up from the festivities, I would also like to greet you in my own way. So, here we go, my special little welcome to you, the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Nine.

Don't mess with me. Seriously. You tangle with me and I will end you, 2009. You see, I have one great advantage over you. Statistics.

When it comes right down to it, the worst odds on my lifespan say I've got another 40-some-odd years to kick around this planet. Let's call it a better than 40% chance. You? You've got a 0% chance of making it more than 365 days, buddy.

365 days. I've got upwards of 14,600 to do with what I will. So let's play nice in that time we've got together, because when all is said and done - you're nothing baby. You are 2.5% of the remaining time that actuarial tables say I probably have left to me. 2.5%.

So this is how this is going to work: You're going to plod along, one day at a time, grinding your way toward insignificance. I'm going to kick up the Awesome and rock on through into 2010. You're going to stay out of my way or you're gonna get burned.

Time marches on, 2009. And while your big, bad granddaddy the 21st century may be able to kick my ass, you're nothing more than a short stop on my way through this crazy journey called life.

I will END you. And then I will laugh in your face as you fall, swilling booze to celebrate your demise, and I will scream the same challenge at 2010.

2009, I own you. You have 365 days to accept your fate - then it's on.

With hope for peace, love, and health in the New Year,


PS - Seriously. Totally not kidding. You're my bitch.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


So, my company is currently hiring for various positions. Here's the deal:

Company Profile:

Small business (<70 employees) specializing in technical solutions to various government agencies with a strong focus on Defense markets. The company is headquartered in Sterling, VA but many positions are work-from-home and technical positions are travel-intense.

Classified Security Clearance is a big plus, but the company will sponsor clearances if you don't have one and the position requires it.

Focus Areas:

Our products focus in three areas -

1) WAN-Optimization. Primarily Riverbed's family of products. Familiarity with routing and switching in general preferred.
2) Next-Generation and Secure Wireless. Primarily Aruba's family of products. Again, familiarity with routing and switching are preferred. Familiarity with microwave is a big plus. There is definitely one open position for a wireless field engineer.
3) IPTV / Video-Over-IP. Primarily VBrick's family of products, but any experience with Video-Over-IP is helpful. Familiarity with IIS, Routing and Switching, and basic video technology are a big plus.

Open Positions:

Open positions can be viewed here:
If you know me well, let me know you're sending in your resume and I'm happy to put in a word for you.

Currently, we are looking for Project Managers, Sales Persons, and Technical Staff. If you have questions about any of the specific positions listed, let me know and I'm happy to give more details.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Spirit of Christmas

In the spirit of Christmas, I decided to decorate the cubicle of one of my co-workers last night. And yes, that IS High School Musical wrapping paper. I had considered Hannah Montana, but figured that jailbait wasn't office-appropriate.

I know there have been some more thorough wrappings you've seen on the internet, but the intent here was to keep the entire desk functional (All the drawers open, etc.) so that the wrap job would last the whole holiday season.

Pics below:

The best two hours and $12 bucks I ever spent.

The next big management style craze

Everybody is coming out with new business strategy and training programs these days. From Sun Tzu's The Art of War to Six Sigma and the "Lean" craze.

I humbly submit my own contribution to the future of American business management practices:

Title: Lessons of Awesome Through American History
Revolutionizing Your Workplace Awesome

Concept: Being successful is great, but being Awesome (proper noun) is awesome (adjective). This presentation explores the nature of Awesome, and introduces concepts on how to embrace Awesome in your work life. Just like all successful high-on-fluff-light-on-content business practice concepts, several new terms are invented by combining perfectly usable words into painfully unusable buzz-words. Exampe: Synergy and Logistics become Synergistics (Existing über-word). Customer Service becomes Custervice (New über-word)

Focus Areas Covered:

· Great Concepts become Awesome Plans: Thomas Paine’s Common Sense and Thomas Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence – Don’t let great concepts wither on the vine of “somebody else should…”, declare your independence from the crowd, take action, and develop those ideas into Plancepts!

· Awesome Isn’t Always Awesome Enough: The Constitution of the United States and The Bill of Rights – Amend your own accomplishments to take them to the next level! There’s always room for more Awesome. Amendishments will help you reach the next peak!

· Hot-Head Conflicts Become Awesome Partnerships: President Andrew Jackson, General Robert E. Lee and the Aftermath of the Civil War – Workplace tensions are bound to rise, master the arts of diffusing conflict and reconstruction in the post-conflict era. These cubicles stand united by more than just aluminum and cheap plastic! Conflolution will help all parties heal their wounds!

· Ignoring the Un-Awesome Leads to Greater Challenges: Isolationism and the Run-Up to the 1st World War – Not every customer is a dream to deal with, but becoming an expert in Custervice and staying engaged, will help steer that customer relationship into the calmer waters of peaceful co-existence. Don’t just pass off your troubles to another department (Especially if that department is Europe)!

· Awesome Technology Isn’t Always Enough: Radar and the Opening of the 2nd World War – Awesome Technology surrounds us daily, enhancing our communications and our ability to track what’s going on from afar – but don’t forget to pop your head in every once in a while and inspect the skies personally! Texpertise can’t replace good old fashioned personal engagement!

· Lessons Learned by Misspent Awesome in the Modern Era: Franchise Films and the Rut of Repetition - Entertainment reigns supreme in modern-day America, and there’s no better place to look for the an example of the biggest pitfall facing the Awesome employee – Sequel-itis. Rocky 1: Awesome. Rocky 2: Not Awesome. Star Trek The Motion Picture: Awesome. Star Trek The Wrath of Kahn: Not Awesome. Every customer, job, and solution is unique – even if they seem the same in general terms. Don’t just re-hash yesterday’s success is today’s over-hyped disappointment. Embrace the concept of the Uniquel for fresh approaches!